


ABC's of the NCC 1701

by Raspberries_and_a_Belle



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 20th century references in the 22nd century, CRACK IN THIS FIC, Everybody has some moments that shine, F/M, Gen, Kirk is a ladies man or so he thinks, M/M, Multi, No Faux Khan here, OC Ensigns are here but enjoyable, On a Five Hour Tour, Randomness on the USS Enterprise, Really a five year journey of bedlam, no one holds their liquor like the Cute Russian on board
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 22:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raspberries_and_a_Belle/pseuds/Raspberries_and_a_Belle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Join the USS Enterprise on a five year Alphabetical journey exploring new worlds and new species, and what happens when people stop being polite and become real!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Live Long & Prosper

**A- Allergies**

"Godammit Jim, is there anything in the universe that you are NOT allergic too?" Bones yelled at him in the mess hall, the heads of the crew turned and saw their Captain running away from their Chief Medical Officer brandishing a hypo-spray.

"Stay away from me with that thing Bones. I am not a fucking donkey you can pin a tail to!" was Jim's response, weaving in and out of the tables and the people in the mess hall, using all his skills to escape his best friend.

"Apples, Pears, Gramicidin, even fucking penicillin & metronidazole, and so many other freaking things. Your medical history is making my life miserable Jim! Get back here, so I can figure out what to give you!" Bones yelled, surprisingly keeping up with Jim's erratic running motions

Jim turned his head and panicked a bit and made a jump out of the mess hall by leaping off a table in to the hallway like a gymnast. Bones ran faster and caught him in mid-air and stabbed him with a hypospray. "Screw you Bones! Stop attacking those hypo's on my neck!" Jim sulked out, giving sad eyes and stomping out. Bones smiled and followed after him, before sticking his head back in and making the announcement that everyone would dread and spread around.

"Starting in two weeks, to this day begin the ship wide mandatory physicals of all senior bridge officers and crew members, no exemptions alright?" he drawled out sadistically in an upbeat and very southern accent. The dozen or so crewmembers in the mess hall became deadly silent and one female officer released a wail.

"Does this normally happen on here?" the newest ensign Remus Keeler asked his bunkmate Ensign Phillip Boyce. Philip looked at his friend and sighed, "Yes and a lot of weirder things my friend, the admiralty like call us the Island of Misfit toys but it's always entertaining".

**B- Blasphemy**

There were several things that were considered sacred to one Lt. Co Montgomery Scott. The ship he was assigned to be was to be his love, his life and what he would spend 24 hours keeping in running order, Friends were essentially to keeping his sanity but with his friends…the sanity part was hard to keep, a good whiskey, a good woman, keeping in contact with loved ones, a decent sandwich.

Today was Mister Scott's No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day because 1) some stole his whiskey that his mam sent from Scotland, 2) His best engineer, Gailia was in med-bay with a terrible terran flu, 3) the replicator was broken and not making sandwiches and most of all there were Engineers toying around with his ship, making loud and banging noises.

Scotty stood in horror, as they were touching and playing around with his lady, the Enterprise. He felt violated and looked towards his Captain, who looked amused and upset that these "non-Enterprisians" were playing around. "Go ahead Scotty, I let the them look to appease Starfleet Command, and so do your thing".

Scotty's eyes light and responded with an "Aye" before marching down to the hull, screaming holy hell, and starting off with what would describe to his senior crew "A War cry that would make William Wallace proud and started with multiple shouts of BLASPHEMY! BLASPHEMOR! SACRELIGIOUS! UNHAND MY SHIP YOU FIENDS!"

**C- Cake!**

Everyone who was everyone knew that the birthday calendar in the mess hall was too sparkly, too avant-garde for a ship of the Enterprise's caliber but seeing the happy face of one Ensign Pavel Andreivich Chekov and the threatening faces of Lt. Uhura, Lt. Sulu and Captain Kirk, if any word was said.

Today on the birthday calendar stated that it was Lt. Uhura's birthday, along with Yeoman Janice Rand and throught out the halls and through their shifts, they received warm wishes and loud shouts of "Happy Birthday's" and even a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday" sung through out the communication system. Janice Rand smiled through out the whole day as she grabbed her birthday buddy's hand and told her that Chekov had something for them.

As she dragged her from her station on the bridge at the beginning of her break and to the mess hall, The two women gave sweet smiles at the young ensign who stood holding a small non-replicated cake, with the names Nyota and Janice in red icing.

"Happy Birfday my friends!" he said "Tradition for friend to receiwe small gift, you like?" was the next thing that came out of his mouth

Nyota Uhura looked at Janice Rand and asked "Cake or Death?"

Janice laughed and said "Cake!"


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Middle of the Alphabet

**D – Dance Off**

"AYO…SPOCK! YA CREW SUCKS, YOU DANCE LIKE BABIES!" Nero cried out to his cousin, his hands on his hips in the most effeminate manner known to man, transcending a 20th century icon name as RuPaul, and Nero's crew didn't help by chewing gum and cuddling into each other.

"Nero…must you continue to use slang that is well past its prime in this century, it is quite annoying but it suits your educational levels quite well. Our dancing skills are far superior to yours in different ways" Spock drawled out as he stepped away from the personal bubble that formed between them, giving a slight growl as the crew of the USS Enterprise (over 480 strong to Nero's 200) giving a massive sound of "AWW SHIT SON!"

Clad in a gold pimp suit, a hat with purple feather trimmings and a wooden walking stick was Captain Kirk-a-licious. "My bruddahs, my main Vulcan…Spock, how you doing babay!?" he purred out giving Spock a tight bro hug, with a slap.

"This fool of a Romulan is bustin' up yo spot, and I gots the best idea. A Dance off to prove that yo crew is da best babay!" Kirk said like it was super obvious. "Romulan versus Vulcan, Cousin versus Cousin. Master versus Bitchass" Kirk sent that comment directly to Nero, who he still has a grudge against for taking away his Daddy and Daddy's lover.

Spock nodded; as he commanded his Lady Uhura brought out the most epic boom-box known to the Federation, and turned it on as it busted out a cheesy techno remix song of the 21st century. Nero stepped away from his crew by swing his arms out and crip walking to center and switching into really creepy interpretive mime dance that made Kirk cry.

Spock released a yell and the music end and the song end. "My turn fool!" he said.

And a most popular tune of the 21st century came with the funkiest lyrics "ALL MAI SINGLE LADIES!" Spock jumped into the air with a half twist and ripped off his clothing to be wearing a one strapped leotard and kitten heels and busted out into the Singe Ladies dance, hip swiveling and gyrating include.

The cheers erupted while Kirk-a-licious cried out for Spock "MAI BABIES, HAVE MAI BABIES BOO!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH NIGHTMARE…BAD IMAGES…BAD IMAGES!!!!! GODDAMMITT!"

"OH МОИ ГЛАЗА, МОИ ПЛОХИЕ ГЛАЗА ОНИ ГОРЯТ! МАМА… SULU ПОМОГАЕТ МНЕ!" came the conjoined cry from the cabin room of one Hikaru Sulu and Pavel Andreivich Chekov. In a flash they both sat up and starred at each other in fright.

"Did you dream that…dancing? Pimps?" Hikaru cried, as he felt Pavel sit on his bed.

"Da, wery scary…my wisibility is hurting now, newer mix whiskey & wodka together again da? Chekov asked Sulu, who could only nod and as he watched his friend go back into his bed, he got himself comfy and turned to look at Chekov on last time.

"Joo know that eet is going to be wery odd on bridge tomorrow. Keptain in peemp suit is odd" Chekov drowned out before falling back to sleep again. Sulu nodded and fell back to sleep.

Neither of them hearing the faint refrain of the song in their cabin and a ghostly voice sing "IF YOU LIKED IT THAN YA SHUDDA PUT A RING ON IT!"

**E- Empathy**

It was times like this that Jim felt that the weight of being a Captain was terrible. He didn't realize that the amount of dedication that went into this position, he knew that they taught you what you need to know for the Command track but to actually be in the seat and know that you are in control of hundreds of lives was frightening on many levels.

He made sure to know everyone's names and little things about that person because he knew that there was a chance that out of a five year missions, there would be some causalities taken and he didn't just want those people to be a name and number and a generic letter of condolences. They lived on this ship, created a life and family units, and he watched over each one.

He remembered what Pike had told him before he walked into the Enterprise's bridge before everyone else. Admiral Pike had sat next to Kirk, at where the navigator and helmsman sat and starred at him deeply with concern and pride. "Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them"

Kirk knew that with courage came all that was mentioned but neglected one. The power of Empathy, to understand how his crew feels when there is a loss of a member of their tight knit Enterprisian family, or when to do what is right and wrong for people and to do that for himself as well.

**F-Flora and Fauna & Merryweather**

When Scotty got the transporter working after being somewhat knocked around, he beamed up the Captain, the First Officer and the Chief Medical Officer. Instead of being in their standard uniform of Command Gold and Science/Medical Blue…they were dressed in little dress with funky looking hats on their head.

Lieutenant Nyota Uhura and Nurse Chapel were there in the transporter room waiting with Scotty and after a few awkward seconds burst out into laughter. "Oh my…this is great!" Uhura crowed out in laughter, holding onto Christine who could only snort into her hand.

"Goddammit Chapel, what in tarnation are you snickering about?" McCoy growled out roughly while Kirk and Spock glared at the women and Scotty.

"Lieutenant Commander Scott, please clarify on our state, if the Lieutenant and Head Nurse are in a state of fits, perhaps we should have the right to know what is so hilarious" Spock said, no emotion showing on his face but his right eyebrow was twitching a bit.

Scotty didn't say anything but pulled turned on the security camera screen to appear in front of the three men who looked like they had been poked with a cattle prod.

"Holy Hell's Bell's…I AM A FLIPPIN FAIRY!!" Kirk yelled out as he spun around in the green dress.

Bones crossed his arms and his gruff exterior took on demonic proportions. "I look like a fucking Disney princess….I will be in my cabin. Taking a shower and putting on my clothes…." He growled out as he stalked out from the transporter room.

Kirk and Spock looked at each other. "Captain…I believe that the little girl on the planet has an admiration for fairytales…particular one called Sleeping Beauty. My mother loved it growing up as a child and there were three fairies dressed in red, blue and green" Spock said as the two left the transporter room, leaving the three to their snickering and laughing.

"Got it. Let's never mention this again"

"Affirmative Jim"


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The not so Middle of the Alphabet; as you noticed.

**G- Great Gamma Gambles Grandpa!**

Nyota Uhura, Head Communications Officer and Lieutenant aboard the USS Enterprise does not care for bullshit or douchebaggery of any type. So when working with men like Kirk, McCoy, Mitchell, Scott and sometimes Sulu it can get annoying.

So when during a movie night, an ensign in Engineering brought up a very old movie about a man in a cape who ran around fighting crime with a kid in spandex, she knew it would have repercussions the next day and what a headache she would have.

"Holy Cannoli Keptain…we will be arriwing at Star Base in three hours at our current speed" Chekov said spinning happily around in his chair to face Kirk. Jim could only smile at the young ensign and replied "Great Googly Mooglies, Chekov, thank you for the update"

Nyota starred at the two men, as Sulu and McCoy walked out on to the deck discussing "Dammit Jim, I am a damn doctor not a...GREAT GEORGIA GAMBLES, Jim are you wearing a cape?" Sulu glanced at both Jim Kirk and Pavel Chekov and to his not-so-surprise the two men were wearing capes.

Nyota just threw up her hands and looked at the bridge "I'll be on break for the next shift. When I get back this bullshit better be over or I'll ring your own damn holy bells!" and stomped off.

The four men looked at Uhura's backside and departing figure, smiles creeping up on their faces "Good job Sulu, sweet April's fools joke, Think the rest of the crew will catch on?" Jim asked, Bones shook his head and gave a slap his back "I told the nurse staff to speak Batman when Uhura shows up or anything" he replied while Sulu showed him a memo from Scotty "All speaking replicators will speak Batman when Uhura gives command" Sulu read out loud and a laugh was shared but stopped immediately when Spock entered the bridge, he wouldn't find it funny.

So the morale of the story is that when one does not care for bullshit or douchebaggery….do something to annoy them until they give in, and at 1850 in the mess hall of the USS Enterprise, Uhura finally gave in and screamed "GREAT GAMMA GAMBLES GRANDPA!" into Kirk's ear and walked away to screw Spock.

**H- Happiness**

To one man the sound of happiness was the whoosh of thrusters in battles, the shaking and rattling of nacelles and the thought that with their hands they could fix anything.

To another, happiness was in the hug of their child, all their hopes and dreams and innocence across their face with a smile, and a sweet southern voice talking about school, friends, ponies and dresses.

To a woman, it's the fact of finding pure bliss in the arms of a person who doesn't judge, hate or discriminates against what you are but accepts it and in turn acts like you. To that man it's the fact of knowing that you're in control of your fate and that all the openness of space and its grandeur is yours to explore and discover.

But for one, the sound of happiness is the echoing of laughter throughout the halls, the voices of man and female, young and old vibrating, creating an orchestra that is its own. For the USS Enterprise that is happiness, flying into battle, the little enjoyments of human life and seeing her children grow in to proud soldiers, peacekeepers, lovers, diplomats, engineers and medical workers. That is happiness.

**I- Intership gossipfest!**

In a private quarter room sat four young women with several bottles and even more shot glasses. "Now I know why Len likes whiskey!" Christine Chapel said contently, nursing a shot of whiskey.

The three other women let out a giggle "Rumor has that you are Bones are reconnecting with your deep southern roots" Gailia snickered out "So yaride em like a cowboy yet?" Janice asked with a twitch of smile on her face

Uhura just wrinkled her nose, "Come on Tine, just come out and say it. Your fucking Leonard McCoy!" she said reluctantly. The three women just starred like you do when you're tipsy and want something; Christine released a lady like snort and shrieked, "YES I AM FUCKING LEONARD MCCOY!"

The girls released a howl of laughter and several rounds of whiskey, vodka, rum, tequila and hyper-vodka later. Christine got the other girls to admit who they were doing. "Spock may be a Vulcan but he's packing some major heat ladies" Uhura drunkenly admitted and covered her mouth before laughing.

Janice knocked back two shots and sang out "Little ole me is getting some tweaking with Monty Scotty. Ladies…he has the magic fingers" She pushed the bottle to Gailia whose green complexion looked paler with the amount of alcohol in her system. "Nice choice ladies but you're forgetting one thing, I got the man who saved our planet….I am banging Captain Kirk-a-Licious!" The room erupted into laughter and in one unified voice sang out "Bones boom-boom Kirk while Sulu vroom vroom Chekov!"

Later on the women fell asleep and slept through two shifts. Word got around on the ship that there was some fun in the red room that night.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearing The End; I own nothing mentioned in this chapter.

**J- James**

When Jim heard those scary five letters, he knew that he was in trouble but when those words were used by any angry woman in his life (and especially one angry man with several dozens hypos-prays at his command) it was time to turn tail and hide.

"I, Jim Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise, NCC -1701, would like to present these examples as a testament in my Captain's log" Jim spoke very captain-like.

Jim gave a glare worthy of his second officer and continued "Example one, Winona Kirk nee Queen. My mother used my first name when she was exasperated by my antics for when I did something that her 'boyfriend' thought was wrong"

"Examples two, three and four belong to the three most powerful women on this ship. Lieutenants Nyota Uhura, Ensign Yeoman Janice Rand, and Lieutenant Christine Chapel" Jim said drawing each name out respectfully, as if one of them would jump out and swat him on the back head if he said anything else. Jim looked around and felt relief "This normally means I've done something stupid or I've done something very reckless that saved the crew and injured me. Or I've disappointed them, I rather make them angry than disappointed, disappointed women makes me sad"

"And lastly…but not the least is my CMO, Leonard McCoy, also referred to as Bones. When he uses James, it means I have done something even more stupid and reckless and to the point where it was borderline damaging, and that is mostly to my body and my sanity. Or when I need to release and talk to Bones, he uses James to relay what he can't say with mucking it up with curses" Jim turned off the recorder and sighed. "Drinking rum alone, really makes a guy sappy" he thought to himself before downing the tumbler and heading to the replicator in the mess hall.

**K- KILLER! KILLER! YOU'RE THE KILLER!**

Down in the lower levels of the bowels of the USS Enterprise was the SCMOR also known as the Security Camera & Mobile Operations Room; it was down here where the unlucky red shirts on Security duty were assigned because it was boring and dull. You would think that there would be some shit going down on the Enterprise because as Lieutenant Ianto Adams (Cupcake as the Captain calls him) said "You're putting over four hundred over sexualized young adults on one ship for five years with a Captain who is a Nympho and his senior crew all have issues. Some shit will go down!"

So what did do any good and hardworking Ensigns do when bored to death, or tears, which ever come first. They put on a show of sorts, and since one of the ensigns in communications was on a 21st century entertainment binge, they took a scene from a show about a boy and the world (or something like that…they weren't quite sure). It seemed to involve a stupid masked killer killing high school students throughout various places to get two stupid lovers back together again. One of the few women in security command, a Lieutenant Aishwarya Patil roped Ensign Boyce and Keeler into playing two parts, a character called Shawn and Corey, while she would play the female lead.

After some aggressive tactics by Aishwarya, as instructed by Nyota and Christine, others were involved in this crazed thing to pass the time (the male's in security learned that women who were taught by the Fabulous Foursome, or Nyota, Christine, Janice and Gailia were scary and not to be questioned when they want to do something random, bad things happen). So as they rehearsed bits and pieces, and they were actually getting in to it.

Ianto "Cupcake" Adams had nicely asked to given a role and was given the character of the slightly bumbling and idiotic Eric, who was special, but he kept up messing his line…one simple line, instead of saying the one line he said variations that kept Aishwarya throwing random things in his direction

"LE KILLER…IT IS YOU…MURDERER!"

"DUN DUN DUN...KILLER…NOT THE KILLER…DUN DUN DUN"

"KILLER…NOT THE KILLER BECAUSE I AM HOT!"

"Dammit Cupcake, if you do not get it correct I WILL KILL YOU AND THE CAPTAIN WONT PROSECUTE ME!"

As Cupcake was preparing to say his line properly, the lights started to flicker eerily in the room and a large squeal was heard. "I get it Kaur, I'll say it properly" Cupcake said reluctantly. "KILLER! KILLER! YOU'RE THE KILLER!" BUT YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME YOU'RE NOT BECAUSE HOT!" He yelled out while creepy music started to play, with even creepier lyrics began to bleed out.

"Welcome to the Enterprise! Where most red shirts go to die!"  
"That's rights…Red Shirts don't survive!"  
"There's no Hypo, There's a phaser!"  
"It wont be no fun but only one will survive!"

The four red shirts huddle together in fear, considering that they face aliens on a daily basis and sometimes one of their own doesn't come back, its natural to be afraid. The music continues as the scream and run out of the room, yelling back and forth to each other that it was their minds playing tricks on each other and that it would never be mentioned.

As they ran away…Scotty stepped out of the darkness with a voice changer and microphone and started laughing, "That'll teach'em ta slack off now!

 

**L- Lip-gloss**

It was common knowledge on the Enterprise that Kirk got ass a lot, as did Bones and sometimes Sulu and maybe Scotty but what no one knew was that Pavel Andreivich Chekov had the ability to kiss a woman and automatically tell them what lip gloss flavor they were wearing.

It did not matter if they kissed him on the cheek or the lips or the top of the head, it was a gift from having several sisters, female cousins, aunts, a mother and two crazy grandmothers. No one believed him until he told everyone that he would prove it to him or her.

So, while the Enterprise was currently traveling towards the new Vulcan Colony, to deliver some more supplies and receiving other packages. The senior bridge crew (Alpha) and dozens of other crewmembers were in the mess hall as well watching this new event. It was just one of the odd quirks that everyone was in the processing of learning about each other. Some were awesome and some were not so interesting and others were just really not on a need to know basis.

So this lead to Chekov being blindfolded, hands tied and standing still while three women and two men were standing in a line. "Alright…place your best bets! Gentleman and Ladies, three credit chips to start off!" Sulu snickered out to the small crowd while Uhura just slapped him on the head and told him to "Knock it off! Or your boo wont be the only one to hit it" Sulu stopped his hollering but kept on taking bets, Chekov would appreciate the money in the end.

Chekov felt the first lips and thought "Female lips, Wanilla raspberry lip-gloss"

The second went next "Female lips…Vatermelon lip balm, not shiny enough"

And so on went with number 3 being "Male's lips, no flawor but chapstick", Number four was another female with a cherry bubblegum blast gloss-chapstick and the forth being a male's lip with cinnamon chapstick.

Gailia being the first was quite impressed with the Ensign ability and kissed him again for being correct calling him "her genius Russian-baby boy!"

Christine and Jim gave him a hug while Jim slipped him a few credit chips for being correct.  
A member of the science department was randomly selected to be a part of the madness chuckled at the antics but congratulated him no less.  
And the fifth one, well Chekov automatically knew who it was and it was Sulu because he had an addiction to a Burt's Bee Chapstick that was a cinnamon flavor (and he could remember his lover's lips quite well).

That evening Sulu and Chekov made at least over 500 credits to be shared with Uhura. And Sulu had the chance to kiss Chekov and taste his lips.


	5. FIVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FIVE CHAPTERS---> AH AH AH

" **M N O P!** "

" **Q R S T U!** "

" **W X Y Z!** "

" **NOW I KNOW MY A B C's, NEXT TIME WONT YOU SING WITH ME!** "

Giotto, Kirk, and McCoy sang out to the small crowd of toddlers that were the bridge crew.

Why were these three men singing the Alphabet song? Well, the idiotic Admirals who run the Fleet decided that the USS Enterprise should be shipped out to scan one of the planets that were up for entrance into the Federation of Planets.

They neglected to put in the information packet, that the planet had an unstable atmosphere at a certain time of the year, coincidentally with the Summer Solstice on Earth. With the luck that the USS Enterprise had, being dubbed "The Island of Misfit Toys" and the horrible luck that tends to follow, the Bridge Crew on Alpha shift was de-aged to the standard Terran age of four.

Nyota Uhura,Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, Montgomery Scott, Kevin Riley, and Janice Rand were sitting on the floor and just starred at the adults, they children looked as if they were going to spring an attack on the adults. Which unnerved McCoy and whispered to Giotto.

"If they attack… can we stun them? I mean… put them on a time out?" McCoy drawled out quietly to Jim and Giotto.

Sadly before either man could give a positive answer, or even a negative one, the three men were saved by an angel; well a very happy looking Christine Chapel carrying six bags of cookies and several replicated sippy cups of apple juice!

"Okay Kids! Guess what? Its SNACK TIME! Line up and we'll go to the rec room for playtime and snacks! One….. Two…" She said happily, corralling the children into two lines, boys and girls and marched them off the bridge, in what Jim would later comment as hailing troops off to war.

The six children marched off to the rec room, before any damage could be done. Although, it would be an interesting day, and considering that the head translator was now mentally and physically a four year old; the delay in meeting would be able to processed with the Andualisan Government. Several hours later, with negotiations complete and the six crew members knocked out cold due to mild sedatives in the apple juice and physical exertion [Giotto did make a fabulous Jungle Gym, Boyce was not happy to used as a pony by Chekov and Sulu, who kept whacking him in the head with a toy sword, and poor Jim was forced to give piggy back rides for three hours]

Luckily for the grace of someone looking over them, security was able to record everything going on, was promised to be saved and distributed to several higher ups on the ship and a certain favored Admiral that begins with P and in Ike. It would go down in Enterprise history, as one of the many odd adventures the crew would have under the captaincy of James Tiberius Kirk, and the crew of the USS Enterprise.

Someone would later comment that they had four and half more years of shit like this to happen. Several colorful phrases passed through the lips of crewmembers and some even stated that the normally reserved Second Officer cursed like a sailor in high Vulcan but that was just a rumor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this was all crack. Pure Crack.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy the madness of a crack filled trip through space with hottest crew, and literally this is just a crack-filled fic written in a flurry when the film first came out in 09.


End file.
